Word Nerd – GILDA SUE ROSENSTERN

Did y’all know that the newt (the small lizard-like animal, not the large lizard-like politician) used to be an ewt? I’m not talking about evolution, folks. I mean the newt once had a different name?

It didn’t change its own name like Bruce Wayne or Marylin Monroe. Humans changed it. And those humans didn’t change it intentionally because they felt it suited the creature better, or because it looked like their crazy Uncle from Georgia. Their ability to speak the English language properly caused them to inadvertently do the following:

For some time the creature was known as “an ewt,”

but the “n” from the indefinite article an shifted to form a newt.

What in the world? Were these meshugenners drunk?

Y’all, in my previous post, I was kvetching about folks refusing to use the swiftly-fading an. But now I see how dangerous such a word can be in the wrong hands. Speaking correctly changed the poor ewt forever, and it likely has an identity complex few of us (but for masked vigilantes and sex symbols) can ever fully comprehend. I suppose I should be grateful that, since most folks reading this probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, this sort of thing isn’t likely to happen again.

Still I beg you to use the indefinite article an, but for the love of Moses, y’all, use it wisely.

Thanks.

-Gilda Sue

Ok, lovelies.

Though Bill Clinton has raised the argument that we don’t really know what the definition of is is, it has been made very clear (over and over again) that “it is what it is.” If you missed all my kvetching about that, you can read all about that here.

But, for the love of Moses, the overuse of the word (as in the following phrase, or any like it) absolutely must stop:
“The truth is is that there are too many ises in this sentence.”

Y’all, that doesn’t make any sense at all. You only need one is there. I don’t care which one. The first one is good, but the second one will do in a pinch. Pick one.

Also, since we’re here, there is a much-neglected article in the English language of which I feel very protective, as I’m sure faithful readers/viewers can attest. That article is an. No, y’all can’t ignore it and just use its cousin a whenever you want. An does what a has no business even trying. AN! Use it. Thanks.

Oh, and while I’m at it, about those new toe-separating running shoes: They make Birkenstocks look glamorous. Some of the schmuks sporting those things don’t even run. If you’re wearing them in your regular life, like off the running track, you’re looking like a bit of a schlemiel, and (even worse) you’ll have to stop mocking boys in “popped” collars and saying things like “That’s so Eighties! What a loser!”