Resolved! Oprah Passes the Baton, But Not to Chuck Norris.

Happy Holidays, lovelies!

Okay, I have one New Year’s resolution. Just one. But with one like this, who needs to balance checkbooks, drink less/work out more, or snag the Republican Party nomination for President of America? That’s for suckers and boors.

Have y’all heard of Oprah Winfrey?

Of course you have. She’s famous. Real-real. She’s more famous than Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together. (I don’t actually recommend you picture Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together, though, unless you’ve already had at least three Christmas-morning mimosas!)

Oprah is famous for talking. She talks all the time and to everybody you can think of. She’s also famous for inventing stuff. She invented Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and a new Christian-ish, religion-like, Jesus-y spirituality that I bet even Jesus could get behind, and not just because Oprah has asked him to relinquish his co-pilot status and take a seat in the back. I KNOW! She can get away with anything. So, not only is she famous, she’s what some folks love to call powerful. Nobody tells Oprah Winfrey what to do. Oprah Winfrey tells you what to do. And you do it, don’t you? (I’m looking at you, Chuck Norris.)

So, my resolution is to make Oprah Winfrey the ME of the last generation (the previous generation, not the final generation). She’ll be the more voluptuous, more black, less half-Jewish ME of your parents’ generation. And by that I mean that I’ll be the less voluptuous, less black, more half-Jewish Oprah of your generation. Why not? What else am I going to do?

Now, I could really use your help. If you’d like to strap on this jet pack we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show and be a part of the magic in 2012, donate HERE, and share my episodes and/or blog posts with all your FB BFFs, and Twitter twits.

Thanks a ton, y’all! You will be remembered not only when I get to the top, but even later today when I’m nursing the Russell Stover omelette/tawny port mimosa hangover I’m conjuring right now.

Cheers, y’all!

Mazel tov, and Ho! Ho! Ho!