Leap Year Means an Extra Day of Rockin’ for Gilda Sue AND Ellen Degeneres!

Did y’all know that 2012 is a Leap Year? I don’t know what could be more real-real exciting. I’ve spent the last 24 hours deciding what I’m going to do with that extra 24 hours.

To those who are thinking that I’ve already spent my extra 24 hours by planning my 24 hours which I technically now don’t really have, I say, “Y’all are missing the point totally, and I’m pretty sure you’re doing on purpose. What ever happened to that resolution to be less of a smarty panties? Oy!”

To the rest of you I say, “My goals for the year are simple: (1) To make a movie about my life, (2) to record a smash hit musical song, (C) to make a super-viral musical video that no medicine in even Dr. Bill Feelgood Gates’s bag can eradicate from your Internet machine, (D) this thing. (I KNOW!) With this extra day, I add (E) to be Ellen Degeneres’s co-hostess for a day on her show which is called, oddly enough, The Ellen Degeneres Show.”

The beauty of goal E (For Ellen!) is that (a) it’s so going to happen, and (II) it will totally make goals 1 through D possible.

I’m so tickled I’m pink!

Y’all can all help make these things possible. I know your lives are super busy, and it’s hard to find time for all the extra stuff folks ask you to do, but now you’ve got a whole extra day to do it. Start by cheering me on and spreading The Gospel According to Gilda Sue via any and all of your social networking neighborhoods, then by donating cash HERE, then by telling Ellen how much I rock and how much she’s missing out by not having me co-host with her for a day. (It’s just one day. A Leap Year day, even. Jeez. It’s like God gave her an extra day SPECIFICALLY for this purpose! What else is she gonna do with it?) Here’s her contact info!

What are y’all going to do with YOUR extra day?

To Sag or Not to Sag

Hello, lovelies!

Hey, y’all may not know this, but the movie actors have a union and it’s called, of all things, SAG.


Now, the folks at Mean Mama Dog have had to decide what to do about SAG with regards to making this movie about my life (which is so going to totally rock, by the way). They wanted to know what I thought about SAG. They are in favor of it, but I’m against it, y’all. Real-real.

I’ve grappled with a debilitating gravity allergy my whole life, and I’ve been able to keep the gravity pretty much at bay. So far. So I’ll be darned if I’m going to let anyone force me to sag.

Screen acting celebrities like Nancy Grace, and Oprah Winfrey, and Christian Bale may have the luxury of sitting around sagging all day, what with every plastic surgeon and Tai-Bo instructor in L.A. at their becks and their calls, but not me. I can’t afford a Brazilian Wax (see?), much less a facelift, or a tummy tuck, or even botox. I simply must remain tight and high all on my own. Drambuie-tinis help with the high part, so I’m half way there.


Anyway, lovelies, take it from me. The Gild Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie is well under way, and there’s not one bit of sagging in it.


Stay tuned for updates, y’all. And spread the word!


Resolved! Oprah Passes the Baton, But Not to Chuck Norris.

Happy Holidays, lovelies!

Okay, I have one New Year’s resolution. Just one. But with one like this, who needs to balance checkbooks, drink less/work out more, or snag the Republican Party nomination for President of America? That’s for suckers and boors.

Have y’all heard of Oprah Winfrey?

Of course you have. She’s famous. Real-real. She’s more famous than Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together. (I don’t actually recommend you picture Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together, though, unless you’ve already had at least three Christmas-morning mimosas!)

Oprah is famous for talking. She talks all the time and to everybody you can think of. She’s also famous for inventing stuff. She invented Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and a new Christian-ish, religion-like, Jesus-y spirituality that I bet even Jesus could get behind, and not just because Oprah has asked him to relinquish his co-pilot status and take a seat in the back. I KNOW! She can get away with anything. So, not only is she famous, she’s what some folks love to call powerful. Nobody tells Oprah Winfrey what to do. Oprah Winfrey tells you what to do. And you do it, don’t you? (I’m looking at you, Chuck Norris.)

So, my resolution is to make Oprah Winfrey the ME of the last generation (the previous generation, not the final generation). She’ll be the more voluptuous, more black, less half-Jewish ME of your parents’ generation. And by that I mean that I’ll be the less voluptuous, less black, more half-Jewish Oprah of your generation. Why not? What else am I going to do?

Now, I could really use your help. If you’d like to strap on this jet pack we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show and be a part of the magic in 2012, donate HERE, and share my episodes and/or blog posts with all your FB BFFs, and Twitter twits.

Thanks a ton, y’all! You will be remembered not only when I get to the top, but even later today when I’m nursing the Russell Stover omelette/tawny port mimosa hangover I’m conjuring right now.

Cheers, y’all!

Mazel tov, and Ho! Ho! Ho!