Category: Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag

It’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! "Free Bird!"

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in . Phil, Dr. Strange, Drambuie, Gilda Sue's Mail Bag, Love of Pete, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Sherlock Holmes

Hello, lovelies.

This week’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag query is from someone called The Love of Pete. But don’t be fooled by the “Pete” part. There’s no way this was written by a man. Oy!

The Love of Pete writes:

“Gilda Sue, my brother needs me to help him with his marriage, but I’m too busy with my own marriage and my kids to help. How do I tell him to stop drinking and get a damn job already without hurting his feelings?!”

Hon, though the truth can be real-real hurtful, sometimes we just need to say it. “The truth shall set them free,” as Lynyrd Skynyrd says.

There’s an old adage that tells us, “if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” But my bobeshi taught me that that is for suckers. She always told me, “if you can’t say what you mean and mean what you say, then don’t say anything at all.”

And Pete, here’s something that only you (and maybe Sherlock Holmes, or even Dr. Phil) can ever know for sure, but it’s worth investigating: Is it possible that your concern over hurting your brother’s feelings is just a disguise for your fear of being vilified by him, or being disliked? Being disliked isn’t as bad as you might think, by the way. I find it’s often way better than the alternative, especially if that alternative involves keeping my mouth shut (as you might well imagine). And, anyway, to quote another great Skynyrd tune, you might ask that schmendrik brother of yours, “what have you done for me lately?”

Now, shouldn’t you be changing a diaper, Sherlock Holmes-ing what the heck your family wants for supper, or Dr. Phil-ing the corn out of someone’s nose? Pour yourself a double tall Drambuie-tini (light on the vermouth, heavy on the tini). Block/hide that brother on your facebook. Then text him to stop drinking and get a damn job, already.

Thanks for you letters, y’all. Keep them coming! You can find me here, or on the facebook!

Cheers!

Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! "All Apologies!"

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Cambodian orphan, Gilda Sue's Mail Bag

Hello, lovelies.

This week’s Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag missive is from Nikki. Remember Nikki from last week? The gal with the little red and pink hearts dotting both I’s in her name?

This time Nikki writes:

“Dear Gilda Sue,

Thank you for printing my letter. You seemed too angry to answer my question about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. But I’ll go ahead and answer all of yours.

1) The reason I care about those two shlubs is that I live in a Cambodian orphanage, and I want those two shlubs to adopt me so I can live in Hollywood, where the prostitution is more like a metaphor than it is a literal nightmare/day-to-day necessity/”lesser of two evils” sort of thing.
2) And yes, I do sign all of my letters with little red and pink hearts dotting both I’s in my name.
3) It only takes about three seconds longer to do it. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but it cheers me up, and my Christian Children’s Fund sponsors in America say it makes them feel like they’re really getting something for their $34 per month.
4) No, I’m not thirteen. I’m eight.

Have a lovely day.

Nikki”

Oy, y’all. I feel like such a schmoe. I’m real-real sorry for my attitude on the last Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag. Instead of pushing my own personal frustrations deep, deep down, and burying them in a Drambuie Rickey as I’ve always advised, I let them creep into and taint my work as your on-line confidante and real-real concerned counselor. That is super unconscionable. It won’t happen again. Probably.

Nikki, please accept my apologies. To answer your question, I have no idea if Brad and Angelina will ever get married. But it looks like if they can get themselves to New York tout de suite, it’s now LEGAL!

(Note: My responses to the other two missives from last week, though, still stand. I offer no apologies there.)

Cheers, y’all. And have a rockin’ week!

Cool Chick or Hot Mess?

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Barbara Bush, Drambie, Gilda Sue's Mail Bag

Y’all, this week’s pick from Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag is from Liz in Mouse Island, Maine. Liz writes, ”Gilda, I’m trying to learn how to be a tougher, more grounded person, rather than be such a hot mess. Where do I start?”

OK, I looked up some words on the computer Internet.

“Tough” is defined as “durable, tenacious, and lusty.” But, also as “callous, stern, and harsh.”
“Grounded can mean “mindful, and wise.” But, also “beached.” Like a dying sea creature.
Drambuie is Gaelic for “the drink that satisfies,” but some folks use some other words, like “never in a million years” or “you’ve got to be kidding me, people actually DRINK this #*@!!?”

I think it’s important to point out that the good folks at Drambuie don’t really care which one you are, as long as there are enough of the former buying their drink that apparently only sometimes satisfies. To the Devil with the latter!

Do you see where I’m going with this Liz?

Hon, I suspect what you are really looking for is the inner strength to do whatever you damn well please regardless of what folks might think, which must just damn rock! I mean look at Barbara Bush. Oy! I bet she looks in the mirror each morning (as she drapes those gigantic pearls around her neck with the confidence that defies reason) and chants the mantra that every successful woman lives by: “Pleasing everyone is for suckers.”

Nobody, not even Drambuie, can please everyone.

Now, Outlaw Farmer asks, “What the heck is a hot mess?”

A hot mess is bad, as far as I can tell, though it is apparently–by most counts– also considered sexy, which most folks think is good. So, once again, perspective is key. You can’t please ‘em all.

In sum, rock on, Liz! And damn give yourself a break.

Thanks for your letters, folks! Need advice? Want the hottest celebrity gossip? Curious about the latest styles or political stories of the day? Leave your question below. I look forward to hearing from you!

Cheers, y’all!

Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag! "Saved by The Bell"

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Apocalypse, Bleu Stockings, Drambuie, Gilda Sue's Mail Bag, Rob Bell

Hello, lovelies! This is the first non-video* installment of Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag, which will be a part of The Bleu Stockings (The Rogue Woman’s Guide to Unperfection) blog. Viewers and readers can ask me anything they want. Anything at all. (I KNOW!)

Our first missive is from Father Patrick Fitzpatrick of The Sister Mary Frances School for Underage and Guileless Boys in Pawhuska, Oklahoma. The father writes:

“I’ve been following your advice with regard to dealing with uncomfortable feelings, and I’ve just been pushing them deep, deep down. It almost works. But not really. I fear there will come a day when I will actually have to face my demons. And if what all these Protestants are saying is true, that day is fast approaching. Judgement Day could be as close as next Saturday, May 21st! What do you think?”

Oh, well, I guess I should’ve gotten to that a tad sooner. Sorry, Father.

Oy! OK.

A) I assume, when you say “these protestants” you mean this guy that I found on this CNN site, right?

So then, B) What I think is, no, I don’t believe this Judgement Day thing is going to happen, hon. At least it isn’t going to happen last Saturday. And if that Rob Bell is to be believed, it won’t really matter if it does happen last Saturday. Or any Saturday, for that matter. And they write articles about him in Time Magazine and stuff! (I KNOW!)

But more important, hon, is thirdly, or C) If those uncomfortable feelings keep bubbling up to the surface, you do need to deal with them. And you may need to admit you need help, which is sometimes real-real hard for folks. I find that a hot Drambuie-tini with a chocolate-caramel swirl garnish always helps me.

Bottoms up, Father Pat! (And by that, I just mean “cheers,” okay? Oy! )

Keep your questions coming, folks. Leave a comment below or send a private query HERE! I look forward to hearing from you!

Bye, now.

*Click HERE for the Gilda Sue’s Mail Bag episode on The Computer Internet Show, y’all.