More greetings from the Gulf – Lake Tar Monkey – Vacay Central!
I just finished the Lake Tar Monkey Speed Dating application. Tomorrow is the big event they love to call “Monkeyin’ Around.” Or maybe they are saying “Monkey in the Round.” I’m not super sure, but I’m real real excited about getting to meet all of Lake Tar Monkey’s eligible bachelors tomorrow. They just asked me to list the 20 most important things a possible life partner should know about me up front. Here it is: (Oy!)
1- I am half Jewish
2- I am half Christian
3- Right now, I am half baked.
4- I have never ridden a horse with my clothes on.
5- Drambuie margaritas, Drambuie cosmos, Drambuie gimlets, Drambuie-tinis, Drambuie collins, Drambuie Mimosas, Drambuie Mudslide, Drambuie Grey hounds, Dram-daquiries, Drambuie and Mountain Dew, Dram- . . .what was the question?
6- Hey, upside down, this looks like a 9.
7- My pinkie toes are longer than all of the other 8.
8- I have a Computer Internet Show.
9- I think Gomez secretly hates me.
10- Unless he just has a huge crush on me.
11- Dolly Parton still has my sweater shaver I lent her in 1992, and I don’t think she’s ever giving it back.
12- Rehab sounds relaxing.
13- Lake Tar Monkey is my favorite vacation spot.
14- My cousin Dottie, on my Mama’s side is a lesbian.
15- I hope to live long enough to see them put a man on the moon.
16- Having superpowers is not as much fun as y’all might think.
17- I was born with a tail.
18- I became a woman on prom night.
19- I will probably never become a man.
20- I never say never.