Author: gildasuerosenstern

The Deep South's gabbiest half Jewish talk show hostess on a never-ending quest for fame, cosmic truth, the mensch of her dreams, and a "real-real rockin'" cocktail!

So Those Mayans Were Right!

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Uncategorized

What about that, y’all? The world has come to an end!

At least mine has. And by that I mean my new world has begun!

Not like a “new world order” or anything. In fact, there’s nothing super orderly about it. If you want to know the truth, it was really and truly born of complete chaos.

Folks, don’t knock chaos. Chaos gets a bad rap. But truth to tell, some chaos — like the chaos of losing “control” and telling everyone and everything around you what’s what (just as an example) — (A) is just as much fun as it sounds, (B) actually makes you feel more in control than out, and (C) is a super good idea. You’ll know what I mean if you just give it a try. Go ahead.

Now, these “episodes” (as Gomez calls them) may feel just the teensiest bit like lunacy while you’re in the middle of them (which is also just as much fun as it sounds), but it’s the aftermath that’s important, and the aftermath can sometimes totally rock. In the aftermath you may see that you’ve weeded out all the drek that was holding you back, and that you’ve been catapulted into a whole new (and sometimes) better place.

Of course in the aftermath you may also see that you’re in the unemployment line, or that your Daddy has cut you off, or that you’ve lost your best pal and/or a bottle of Drambuie careening down a dirt road somewhere on the outskirts of town in your old prom dress, a completely ruined mani-pedi, and a stolen Oldsmobile piloted by that has-been high school quarter back What’s-His-Name Spingler the night of your class reunion. But chances are that even these things are really just little blessings in disguise. Don’t ask for details, folks. Just trust me.

The point is that here I am in the aftermath, and the movie about my life is in full swing! I KNOW! It’s so exciting!

Y’all, we still need tons of help, by the way, and by “tons of help” I mean whatever you’ve got, we’ll take it, so spread the word!

Thanks a ton, and Happy End of the World!

CHEERS!

Making a Movie About My Life! (What else am I going to do?)

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Cayce Means, Gilda Sue's Movie, Mark Ashworth, Reid Stegall, Teresa Teague, Vince Canlas

Hello, lovelies!

Here are some images from the most recent day of shooting the movie about my life.

As you can see, we have a leg-bone crew. There aren’t that many of them, but they work so well and so hard, you’d swear they were a skeleton crew! Cheers to them for being such dynamos! Teresa Teague, Cayce Means, Josh Williamson, and Reid Stegall are like my hands and feet these days. I mean I absolutely cannot do without them.

If you’ve ever thought about making a movie about your life, you should totally do it. Take it from me, it’s a ton of fun.

We laughed and laughed!

Until we didn’t.

Y’all, Vince Canlas and Mark Ashworth may be super cute and real-real funny, but they were two of the worst dates I’ve ever had. Both ended badly. And the manager at Pupil seemed to think they both ended loudly. It’s hard for me to say. You’ll have to see for yourselves and let me know what you think.

Stay tuned for more about The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie as we go. For more info about that, click here!

Thanks a ton, y’all! (And happy Chinese New Year!)

Vince Canlas Joins Team Gilda Sue. Oprah Has no Comment.

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in resolutions, The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show MOVIE, Vince Canlas

Happy Monday, Lovelies.

How was your first week of 2012? Mine rocked. So many folks are back to smoking cigarettes, or eating meat, or drinking much too much alcohol again, and by that I mean so many folks have failed miserably at keeping their resolutions, already. But others are still super committed to my resolution. Even one step closer to realizing it. It’s becoming a movement, really, and not just for Gomez and me. For so many, it’s a realiz-ution more than a resolution. If you are one of those folks who were drunk, or in a food coma, or blinded by a cloud of ciggy smoke on New Year’s Eve, making resolutions you immediately regretted even before you got started, I offer up my resolution for you to work toward. Take a look and join the growing number of people who are committing themselves to it in 2012.

Vince Canlas is one of those people. He jumped aboard this bicycle built for way-more-than-two we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show and we couldn’t be happier to have him.

Thanks, Vince! Team Gilda Sue is stronger, and Oprah Winfrey weaker, with you among the ranks. You rock.

And, y’all, thanks in advance for all your help in 2012. We’re going to need it. Rea-real. Give all the good ju-ju, cash, and well-wishes you can. Start by clicking HERE! Then please spread the word!

CHEERS!

Robin Bloodworth Rocks Hard for Team Gilda Sue!

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Robin Bloodworth, The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show MOVIE

Happy 2012, lovelies!

With the new year comes new stuff, y’all. Obviously. Like that extra “2” in the year part of the date. I KNOW! How many times do you think you’ll write that incorrectly in your Hello Kitty diary? My guess is about 12.

But, lots of new things aren’t necessarily so frustrating, but actually super cool, like a new member for Team Gilda Sue!

That’s right, y’all. Mean Mama Dog is proud to announce that Robin Bloodworth, star of stage and screen, is the latest passenger to climb aboard this luxury liner we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show, and I couldn’t be tickled more pink about it. (More tickled pink? Tickled pinker?) He’s handsome, he’s charming, he’s talented. What else do you want?

Look for him in the upcoming movie about my life, which is so going to rock! If you want it to rock harder (rock more hard?) click HERE and give us some money. We’d be super grateful. We’d love you. We’d probably even pray for you. Or we’d at least find someone else to.

Thanks a ton, y’all! See you next year.

Cheers!

Resolved! Oprah Passes the Baton, But Not to Chuck Norris.

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Chuck Norris, famem New Year resolution, Oprah Winfrey, power, The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show MOVIE

Happy Holidays, lovelies!

Okay, I have one New Year’s resolution. Just one. But with one like this, who needs to balance checkbooks, drink less/work out more, or snag the Republican Party nomination for President of America? That’s for suckers and boors.

Have y’all heard of Oprah Winfrey?

Of course you have. She’s famous. Real-real. She’s more famous than Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together. (I don’t actually recommend you picture Christian Bale and Nancy Grace put together, though, unless you’ve already had at least three Christmas-morning mimosas!)

Oprah is famous for talking. She talks all the time and to everybody you can think of. She’s also famous for inventing stuff. She invented Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, and a new Christian-ish, religion-like, Jesus-y spirituality that I bet even Jesus could get behind, and not just because Oprah has asked him to relinquish his co-pilot status and take a seat in the back. I KNOW! She can get away with anything. So, not only is she famous, she’s what some folks love to call powerful. Nobody tells Oprah Winfrey what to do. Oprah Winfrey tells you what to do. And you do it, don’t you? (I’m looking at you, Chuck Norris.)

So, my resolution is to make Oprah Winfrey the ME of the last generation (the previous generation, not the final generation). She’ll be the more voluptuous, more black, less half-Jewish ME of your parents’ generation. And by that I mean that I’ll be the less voluptuous, less black, more half-Jewish Oprah of your generation. Why not? What else am I going to do?

Now, I could really use your help. If you’d like to strap on this jet pack we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show and be a part of the magic in 2012, donate HERE, and share my episodes and/or blog posts with all your FB BFFs, and Twitter twits.

Thanks a ton, y’all! You will be remembered not only when I get to the top, but even later today when I’m nursing the Russell Stover omelette/tawny port mimosa hangover I’m conjuring right now.

Cheers, y’all!

Mazel tov, and Ho! Ho! Ho!

Rabbi Spiderman’s Alter Ego!

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Gilda Sue's Movie, Rabbi Spiderman, Vince Tortorici

Y’all, Mean Mama Dog is proud to announce that Rabbi Spiderman will be playing the part of New Vaudeville clown, Vincenzo Tortorici in the movie about my life.

Oy! I am just tickled pink to welcome him aboard this rocket ship we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie. Rabbi Spiderman is a real ham, y’all, (oddly enough) so this should totally ROCK!

Stay tuned. Donations welcome HERE, lovelies! And thanks a ton!

Diva Thespian Kathleen McManus Joins Team Gilda Sue!

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Divas, Elton John, Gilda Sue's Movie, Kathleen McManus, Suzi Bass Award

Y’all, I am just tickled pink and real-real thrilled about the host of Atlanta’s theatre and film professionals climbing on the boat we love to call The Gilda Sue Rosenstern Computer Internet Show movie.

The latest is Suzi Bass Award winner Kathleen McManus. I KNOW! I love folks who win awards, and you should too.

Suzi is basically the Tony of Atlanta. I’m working on getting them to make Gilda Sue into the Oscar of Atlanta. Elton could be the Grammy of Atlanta! He does actually sort of look like my Grammy O’Donahue these days, now that I think of it. Especially since his face lift.

But my point is that having Suzi Bass Award winner Kathleen McManus on Team Gilda Sue absolutely ROCKS! I mean they don’t give these awards to just anybody, y’all. Jeez.

You can’t wait to see this thing, can you?

Stay tuned for more of the latest news about everything Gilda Sue.

Cheers, y’all!

P.S. Your donations to the cause are super appreciated, I swear!

Here’s to the Holidays! (or Bat Mitzvah Blues.)

Posted on by gildasuerosenstern in Baptism, Bat Mitzvah, Christian Bale

Hello, lovelies!

I hope y’all had a great Thanksgiving. I know you ate too much turkey and dressing on Thursday night. I sure did. And like everyone else, I’ll bet you ate much too much gefilte fish and grits Friday morning during the Christian Bale movie marathon! Tradition!

But y’all, as much fun as the weekend was, the Rosenstern family Thanksgiving dinner was marked with a sort of revelation this year which has firmly lodged a pickle right into the middle of my spiritual life.

First, are y’all familiar with The Age of Accountability? It’s the age at which a child becomes accountable for her sins. It’s a sad time for most children, I’m sure, and I always considered myself real-real lucky in that I’d managed to put off my own personal Age of Accountability. Or so I thought.

See, much to Mama’s chagrin, in spite of her nightly bible readings, I was never technically “saved,” so I was never baptized. AND, as Daddy has lamented for years, I never had a Bat Mitzvah. Well, I had HALF a Bat Mitzvah when I was 12, but it was cut short when the Blonsky twins flushed three firecrackers and a roman candle down the boy‘s bathroom toilet. Y’all, Rabbi Spiderman wore an eye patch for a whole year after that, but secretly, I’ve been grateful to those girls ever since for allowing me to put off my Age of Accountability all this time, which is definitely as much fun as it sounds.

BUT, at Thanksgiving dinner this year, Mama’s mama, Granny O’Donahue (the Catholic Granny who never approved of Mama‘s becoming a Protestant, long before she DID approve of Mama’s NOT becoming a Jew) confessed to being worried about my salvation and not wanting to wait for me to be “saved” (or “convicted,” as the Baptists say), so she snuck me off to Our Lady of Perpetual Scandal when I was a baby and had me sprinkled while Mama and Daddy thought she was taking me to see the Pinocchio movie. So, now it appears that I actually HAVE been accountable for myself all this time. I KNOW!

I told her I really wish she’d given me a heads-up. Oy! Now I have to figure out what to do about what my Mama loves to call my “shameful teenage years,” and what my Aunt Eolavelle loves to call my “shameLESS teenage years.” I don’t know what to call them, but I know shame is supposed to be in there somewhere.

It‘s tricky, though, especially since I don’t do Yom Kippur. I mean afflicting my soul just isn’t my style, y’all. Plus, I assumed I was exempt, what with not being actually accountable for myself and all.

Anyway, y’all, be sure to get on my mailing list here if you want an invitation to my Half Mitzvah. No reason to not finish it now, right? To make sure even my Christian half is covered, we’re doing a Christian Bale theme. (I KNOW!) It’s going to rock!